Friday, 29 July 2016

Bungo the Barbarian - Chapter 8, A Deadly Derp in the Dead of Night


Bungo’s muscle-bound reverie was soon interrupted; the chamber seemed to darken momentarily as a second gargantuan Ogroid guard stepped through the broken remnants of the doorway. The beast’s face split in a menacing parody of amusement as it loomed over the barbarian’s masculine form.


“Blaarggh!” the creature intoned, although it was unclear whether this was intended as a vicious war cry, or perhaps it was merely the sound of some malicious bowel movement brought on by too much fine dungeon cuisine.


The beast’s monstrous form swayed unsteadily as it made a lumbering side-swipe with its corroded War-Maul. Bungo leapt aside; easily evading the cumbersome assault. The rusted club-like implement crashed into a pillar, and the room seemed to shake momentarily under the crushing impact; dislodging a good quantity of ancient tomb-dust from the straining rafters.


Bungo was already moving; he jumped into the air and landed a vicious double-kick to his opponent’s malformed face. The creature reeled back; holding its bloody mess of a head and yowling incoherently.


“Looks much better!” declared Bungo heroically; admiring his grizzly handiwork from his vantage point on the ground. He was feigning reclining on a chaise longue, much to the chagrin of his opponent and the watching Derpo King. In truth the beast’s hideously concave visage had been reduced to the walking equivalent of an ingrown toenail.


Bungo wasted no more time and drew the crystalline Blade of Donglore; decapitating his blundersome opponent in a satisfyingly explosive eruption of gore. There was a short delay as the creature’s body swayed unsteadily, before collapsing to the ground in a convulsing heap.  


Just as the barbarian was about to make a witty pun, he was again interrupted by the appearance of another adversary.


“You would defile my innermost chamber?” A squeaky voice declared haughtily.


Bungo turned from the Ogroid’s corpse with a groan of dissatisfaction. At this rate he’d never get to loot the body for any treasure.


He salvaged the less than ideal situation with a heroic witticism “That’s what she said!” replied the hero with a smirk; judiciously adjusting his generous man-package for added impact.


The Derpo King was not amused. Enthroned on a raised dais; the blobby creature’s rubbery flesh squeaked menacingly as he waddled from his perch and approached the barbarian on stunted purple legs.


“Time to die man ape!” he squawked; momentarily blinding the barbarian by throwing what appeared to be a half-made garment complete with knitting needles into Bugo’s chiselled face.


Screaming with manly fury and choking on the fluffy garment for a surprisingly long time; Bungo eventually threw the knitting to the floor.


The Derpo King had not been idle during the distraction. A section of wall had slid aside by some arcane means; revealing a colossal Derpo Death Ray in the adjoining chamber. The Derpo King cackled maniacally as he aimed the bulbous weapon and it cycled unsteadily to full power.


Bungo could only swallow uneasily as the Derpo King pulled the ignition leaver and a stream of crackling methane-powered energy arced across the throne room.  



Tuesday, 26 July 2016

Salamanders Land Speeder Storm

When I hatched the plan to make a fast attack based marine army it was based entirely around a pair of Land Speeder Storms with 2 units of scouts. A bit later on, the new codex came out and it became possible to take bikes as troops (if your leader is on a bike) and they became a bit less essential. Not that it mattered as one of the things I vowed when I started the army was that it was going to include as many units that Chaos can't field as possible (otherwise there'd be no point as I have a large Chaos force already!).

The problem with scouts has always been the really ugly head sculpts. With that in mind I went to work with a box of spare parts; replacing and variously helmeting them up to make them look a bit more appealing.

As someone who got into Salamanders during the Second Armageddon War campaign, I've never liked the "coal black" skin tone that was later given to Salamanders. I just hate the look aesthetically, so I went with a more old school tan on these guys. For most of the army I've gone with helmets to avoid the dilemma, but on scouts a few bare heads was unavoidable!

I'm quite happy with the flames on the front and the freehand "IV"s all over it.

For those who are wondering, no I didn't paint this separately. I built the whole thing, crew and all, glued it all together and painted it all as a single piece!

Some more Pictures of the army for those who missed them:

The Scout Squad in action against Ed's Night Lords

Look through the window ... a dastardly Night Lord!

Click below for more:


Monday, 25 July 2016

Imperial Fists - Betrayal at Calth Breacher Sergeant

Work on my Imperial Fists continues at a slow pace. I finished painting this converted Sergeant for my Breacher squad recently. The conversion is a head and weapon swap for one of the Character models from the Betrayal at Calth box set combined with a Phalanx Warder's shield.

I'm quite happy with how he came out - although I might take a second whack at that power sword at some point as I basically just coloured it in blue without really putting in too much effort (I think I was tired!). I'm quite happy with the freehand "VII" details on the shin guard and the cape though.

He can now join the rest of the army in what I hope will one day be a legally field-able force!

Click on the links below for more pictures of my WIP Imperial Fists Force 

Saturday, 23 July 2016

Converted Ork Battlewagon - Seriously Huge!

There's a monster living in my cupboard and it's really big and frightening. It might even be green one day. Unfortunately for Disney, there's no franchise opportunity here; it's actually just a converted Battlewagon that I've been working on for some time.

Growing up in the days of yore (also known as second and third edition) I always liked those huge converted Battlewagons that people used to build before there was an official kit. I do like the official one stylistically, but it wasn't enough of a monster for me. It just didn't have that crazy appeal that can only really be found with a pile of spares and a heap of plasticard. With that in mind I hatched a cunning plan and set to work on another monolithic project.

The original body started out as the official Battlewagon. I took the surprisingly small vehicle (this thing is supposed to be armour 14?) and mounted it on a set of Baneblade tracks. I then used various parts from a heap of old Gorkamorka Trukks (thank you eBay, I had like 10 of them for £20 - bought purely for spares) to begin filling in the gaps; slowly building up a colossal hull of crazed odds and ends.

Scale wise - it's longer than a Baneblade and taller than an Imperial Knight Cerastus. I think I have a problem! (Ok the real problem will be painting the thing!)

The converted Killkannon uses the standard Kannon from the kit combined with a Vindicator's Demolisher Cannon and a few reinforcing struts that I built.

Ask not for whom the Grot-Rokka rocks, he rocks for thee

The aft castle is actually the hard top of the original Battlewagon kit with plasticard added and some bits of roof from an old Warhammer scenery house thing. Illustrious Captain Bognobba started out life as an ammo runt. I cut the end off of the bullet that was in his mouth to make it look like a cigar and added an Ork captain's hat to him to create "the look".

 Just to prove that I put some work into the back too.

I added a custom deff-rolla under the chassis - I had to do something in there. I might actually add a whole row of them eventually!

For scale. I just noticed that the door has fallen off in this picture - it isn't glued for painting purposes.

If you're wondering, it's official name is the "Kruntankk" .... why? Well it was the name of my Big-Lugga in Gorkamorka (and it just sounds so damn funny!).

Friday, 22 July 2016

SOUL JUDGE 1 - Genesis

Welcome to another Fiction Friday. This time it's the first chapter of my new on-going project - Soul Judge. The basic premise? Combine as many genres of fiction as I can into one gloriously Detective Noir masterpiece. Will it work? I guess you'll have to read on to find out!

If you were expecting to see Bungo again today, I've been side-tracked by the monstrous heat here in the UK. Rest assured his adventures will resume soon! 

Soul Judge 1 – Genesis


Los Angeles 2007, a series of mysterious and seemingly unnatural crimes sweep across the deluded and oblivious city. In the night a singly cry for help calls out to the Soul Judge, an enigmatic maverick entity of unknown origin.



Ch. 1

It was the beginning of another long day and all I wanted to do was sit back, relax and enjoy another delightful chocolate milkshake. I knew the dame was trouble the minute she answered the door.

“What the F&*# are you doing drinking a milkshake in the middle of the corridor” the surly landlady drawled through a slack jowly face that spoke volumes about a life of unfulfilled dreams.

“Detective Brannigan McSteel” I flashed the fake ID badge I’d made from an old driving licence and some double sided sticky tape, luckily judging from the woman’s expression she wouldn’t be able to tell a fake if the poorly applied laminate peeled off and stuck to her gormless face. After holding up the ID for a split second I put it back in the pocket of my trench coat and took another sip of milkshake.

“I’m here to investigate the homicide last night in apartment 204” I paused to let the words sink in, luckily I’ve seen enough detective dramas on TV to know how the line should be delivered, or at least how people will expect it to be delivered.

“What murders? there ain’t been no murders in apartment 204, or any other apartment here s’far as I know” the woman veritably barked. I tried to keep my cool, it was happening again.

The fickle powers of a Soul Judge didn’t make many allowances for the ineptitude of law enforcement. This is what I get for letting the kid take care of the surveillance. In the vision last night the soul that called to me from the either showed me the scene of the murder and where to go, I had wrongly assumed that the police would have been alerted to such a grizzly crime. 

“I said possible homicide mam; you mean you didn’t hear anything last night?” I lied, using the most authoritative tone I could muster so as to pre-emptively quash any argument she might have. Before she could even answer I spoke again.

“I’m going to need to see the interior of that apartment. We’ve had some fairly disturbing reports from the neighbouring domiciles”

The surly woman let out a sigh of resignation and turned to fumble about in a key box behind the door. As she searched for the spare I took another sip of milkshake and surveyed my surroundings. The apartment building was a dive in every sense of the word, peeling wallpaper hung in strips from the ceiling; curled and brown with a mixture of a decade of cigarette smoke and sweat. It was the kind of place that made you want to get down on your knees and thank god you never had to come back. That said, no sane man would want to be on his knees in this place either, judging by the state of the linoleum floor.

Before long she had the key in hand and had begun to make her way down the corridor. I followed behind her trying to keep my eyes off of the hideously misshapen swell of her enlarged buttocks. As we passed a hole in the wall that looked like it had been made by a fist 20 years ago, I silently stashed my milkshake in it on the exposed interior beam of the wall. No sense ruining a perfectly good drink by exposing it to the stink of the crime scene.

“This is the third time this week we’ve ‘ad reports about one apartment or another around ‘ere, but it ain’t never been nuffin’ ” the woman moaned as we climbed the stairway that led to the second floor. Despite her protestation I could tell that the prospect of a gory crime scene actually excited her. One of the gifts of the Soul Judge was the ability to look straight into a person and see their inner hidden soul. As we neared the apartment door, I could tell her excitement by the way her soul had become increasingly enflamed. In fact her level of interest seemed to be almost too high. I dismissed the thought with the rationale that it was probably the only interesting thing that had happened in her gin-soaked reality TV life for a long time.

Invariably, we reached the apartment door. I took the keys from her and silently motioned that she should wait at the top of the stairs, before slipping the key into the corroded lock and slowly turning it. As I turned the key, the door opened with a squeal. It wasn’t even locked, another rooky mistake. Almost inadvertently I stole a look back at the woman to see if she had noticed the blunder, but luckily she was feigning disinterest in the whole affair.

As the door swung open I was greeted with the acidic tang of fresh blood.

I hate it when I’m right.


Thursday, 21 July 2016

More than 10,000

Well, I've made it to 10,000 views. Not too shabby for a Blog that I started about 4 months ago on a whim. It was a real rush to the end too, with one of my posts inexplicably gaining about 2,500 views alone thanks to an endorsement from Raging Heroes' Social Media (thus becoming about 10 times more popular than anything else I've ever written).

If there's one thing I've learned it's that the internet is really random like that. Often great posts will go by the wayside; completely unnoticed by all but about 10 people. Other times a throwaway post, or piece of shamelessly self indulgent drivel (40k pickup lines anyone?) will inexplicably shoot to the top of the "most popular" list. The secret seems to be quantity, and as much quality as you can muster. Mostly quantity though!

Anyway, the whole thing got me thinking - maybe I should mark the occasion somehow. I mean it seems like a bit of a benchmark for me. Is it time to start a new army? a crazy one off project? Only time will tell, although I'm certainly open to suggestions! 

For the meantime, I'm going to celebrate by inventing a new word "Blazmolicious".

To be understood in this context:

Dude 1: "Did you see that army?"
Dude 2: "Oh yeah, it was hotter than hot, it was hot Hot HOT"
Dude 1: "Yeah it was Blazmolicious!" 
Dude 2: Says nothing, too busy doing air guitar inexplicably. 

How good does this guy feel? Blazmolicious I'd say!

And there you have it. I'll invent a new word at 20,000 hits too, so if you value your ability to communicate in polite society stay tuned as this is going viral any minute .... !!....!!! (nope, not viral yet) 

The only thing I know is that I might have to change that banner at the top that proudly declares "The hobby blog that nobody reads". Whatever I replace it with, you know one thing for sure - It'll be Blazmolicious!

Wednesday, 20 July 2016

Rocket Unicycle! - Ork Big Gun Conversion

Ever wondered what it would be like if you mounted a battery of rockets on a unicycle? Well I have, and here's the conversion that answers that conundrum.

The crew form a sort of diorama I like to lay out behind it that makes it look like they're chasing the thing. The captain's hat is from an Imperial Guard tank crewman and yes that Squig does have a rocket in it's mouth.

They see me rollin', they hatin'
Patrollin' and tryna catch me ridin' dirty

The best part? the whole thing was made from spare junk I had in my bitz box; in essence meaning it was free. Take that soaring GW prices (I do like the new kit, but at £28 for a single Mek Gun, the price is actually prohibitive for me - I mean that is the same price as an entire unit of 3 Killa Kanz!).

It matches the theme of the Grot Army quite well too, being quite tall and gangly looking!

Did I mention that I won a 500 point army painting competition with the Grot Army? As I found the pictures earlier today, I'm adding them to this post. It did help that the force is rather huge at 500 points! 

Some people have said that the "Big Gun" looks a little too phallic - what with the soaring rocket shaft and twin rocket-balls, but I say it isn't phallic enough! To that end, I've added some creamy-white snow. Just let your imagination run wild...

Tuesday, 19 July 2016

Infinity - Joan of Arc Ltd Edition Miniature

In an attempt to broaden my painting horizons I bought a copy of Angel Giraldez's "Paining Miniatures from A-Z Masterclass" about 6 months ago. The book came with this rather nice Joan of Arc miniature (the book also includes a painting guide - which as I didn't have an airbrush at the time I didn't use entirely for this paint job). I tried to capture some of the feel of his paintwork despite not having an airbrush at the time entirely with a paintbrush and good old fashioned regular techniques.

For those who don't know, Angel is the studio painter for infinity. He has an excellent style built up with a combination of airbrush and paintbrush - characterised by smooth blends and sharp highlights. It wasn't long after painting this model that I actually bought an airbrush so that I could take the technique further myself. The best part was that it turned out that our painting styles were quite compatible, so it was easy to incorporate some of Angel's style in to my own. I think I'll write a proper review for the book later, so I won't say any more now.

The miniature itself was a bit of an experimental piece, so I make no promises as to the actual quality of my work on it. It did inspire me to start playing Infinity though, so I suppose that is one hell of an endorsement for it. For those who don't know, the Infinity range (by Corvus Belli) are all entirely metal models (28mm scale), making them somewhat unique in today's market. The quality is really high too - with more of a focus on realistic proportions and fine components (particularly noticeable with guns) than the "Heroic" scale style of 40k.

Somewhere in the future a reincarnated electronic version of Joan of Arc squares off against a cyber-samurai ... this could definitely happen.

I've since gone on to use the airbrush and brush style found in Angel's book on a number of my own projects (some examples pictured below).

I'm still getting the hang of adding highlights to models in 28mm scale with an airbrush.

My Necrons are largely an adaptation of Angel's style used on 40k. Quick and easy too!