Christnimmus – Echoes on the Plains of Undrensphere

 

 

 

Today's Christmas offering stars Bignimuus; you can think of him as a completely over-muscled and brainless Space Marine, from a painfully stupid chapter known only as the "Warrior Brothers", who value only size and strength, and apparently turned heretic at some point.

I wrote this story over a year ago for last Christmas as a bit of a holiday joke. It was actually about the 10th Bignimuus chapter, so if you like this one I might go back and publish some more from the Book of Doom (also known as assorted joke writings that were mostly sent in e-mail form from an office desk somewhere in the UK).

 

Christnimmus – Echoes on the Plains of Undrensphere

 

Bignimuus had heard of Christmas vaguely – a time of red and gold, where legends were made …. Or something. Regardless of that he was well informed that it involved going up to the roof at night, after that came time to “deliver the presents”. Bignimuus’ booming laughter echoed across the sleepy town as he armed a hundred Dual-Core Fusion Blast-Bombs, before throwing the sack of “presents” across his back and mounting his turbo charged Jet-Sleigh, adorned with trophy carcasses of defeated enemies and reindeer bones.

 

“Time to get in the spirit” drawled Bignimuus as he revved the Jet-Sleigh indulgently, inadvertently raising the front end to an almost crazed angle before speeding off over the snowy rooftops.

After pulling sky-doughnuts for over an hour, Bignimuus made his move. The large and now very dizzy marine headed for the first chimney. With little artistry he shoved several of the bombs down the chimney with a huge mailed fist. The chimney broke apart under the impact and the bombs stuck due to their massive size. Undeterred, Bignimuss leant out of the saddle and implemented a manoeuvre known as the “mighty christmas boot” to pulverise the chimney into submission.

With the bombs firmly lodged in place several feet inside the decimated roof, Bignimmus sped to the next target. This time forgoing the chimney altogether he slam dunked the bomb straight through the roof, eliciting a stream of expletives from the residents….

 

The night continued and many more presents were delivered before dawn.

As the scarlet sun arose over the horizon, Bignimuus watched the spectacle from behind his big faceplate form a point high above the town. A sudden flash and a huge mushroom cloud removed all evidence of the settlement.

“Season’s Greetings” growled Bignimuus, in a voice like a jammed quad-chegger…..

 

Resin Anime Figure

At a bit of a loss at what to do next, I've changed projects completely. After spending a few weeks in Japan this year, I picked up this anime figure as a side project. The last time I went, I tried out Gunpla        (Which is Gundam Figures to most people - it turns out they're rather interestingly made, but maybe that's a post for another time). This time I have a rather interesting Demon girl to make. She's 100% resin, which should be familiar to most people in these parts.

The fun of a project like this is that it not only gives me a break from Warhammer and army construction concerns (like that pile of infantry that everyone has somewhere they still need to paint), but also gives me a chance to try out some weird and outlandish painting techniques, which in the long run will probably improve my hobby skills. 

I've started taking on a lot of odd projects over the last few years, they normally end up leading to an improvement of some type. I think the real change was how I see myself. In the past I always thought "I'm a Warhammer player" but for a year or 2 now I think of myself more as a miniature artist - maybe it's just that I spend so much more time painting than playing; or some kind of delirium brought on by proximity to so much plastic.

After several hours of building, I'd finally built her to the stage of having several large airbrush-able bits rather than several dozen resin pieces. Interestingly her resin is almost nothing like the stuff you get in the west - it feels a lot more like plastic and is considerably lighter in both weight and colour. I don't think it would take the level of detail needed for tiny marines (she is rather large as you'll see in the size comparison with a daemonette below).

The parts hang together quite well themselves, which is lucky for test fitting.

That's one big weapon! She has a pair too, so I'll have my work cut out for me.

With something this large a big challenge is always getting some interest into the big-ass panels. A base coat and edge highlight doesn't really cut it anymore when you're about a foot tall!

I'll post about her later. I've already done a bit of heat bending to get the parts in shape and some gap fill, so I should be painting her next time.

ではまたね

Bungo the Barbarian, Chapter 16 – Innuendo Crescendo

 

 

The Excelsior rode low in the water. Its massive form seemed to rock unsteadily in time to the undulating waves; helpless under the weight of its own lavishly bedecked aft castles and silken finery. Its cabins were painted sloppily in a generously applied, and seedily peeling coat of thick red paint. The whole ship was gloriously topped in what appeared from a distance to be solid gold wheel at the centre of the helm, but would on closer inspection be revealed as a cheap brass knockoff encrusted with a generously audacious quantity of rhinestones and worthless baubles. As if that wasn’t enough; the gaudy decorations were entirely eclipsed by a colossal topless mermaid statue that boldly crested the prow of the ship.

 

Bungo noticed none of these seemingly small details as heaved Wendy up the gang-plank; bracing his back against her generous hind quarters and pushing with all of his titanic strength. He was excitedly eyeing the words “Excelsior” that had been proudly embossed on the side of the ship when something stopped the odd baggage train in its tracks.

 

“Hold it right there!”

 

Bungo peered round his steed to see a small green Goblin blocking his path; the creature seemed to be bizarrely dressed in a brocaded jacket and tri-corner hat. Even stranger he seemed to be wearing an eye-patch, but was lifting it up to get a good look at the intruding individuals. His beady eyes hungrily took in Bungo’s herculean form.

 

 

“You mean you don’t know who I am?” The odd Goblin gestured at a large badge on his baroque jacket.

 

“Janboe Tigg, Pimp of the Seas…” Bungo read the words slowly, not quite comprehending their meaning. Without concerning himself with the little details like what he was about to get himself into, or what was actually going on, the adventurer made a move to continue up the gang-plank.

 

“I require passage…” as soon as the words left the barbarian’s mouth, Janboe went to work. He clapped his hand once, seemingly signalling the crew. The deck soon rang with the patter of dainty footsteps as a parade of scantily clad women lined up in rows in front of the dumbstruck barbarian, along with a row of infuriatingly camp sailors.

 

“Petunia’s got one hell of a passage; gotta be seen to be believed!” the incredulous Goblin said with a generous wink; waving his arm in the direction of a particularly girth-some woman who was beckoning Bungo invitingly.

 

“Just step right up and that’ll be 3 Pieces of Silver, thank you very much.” He paused for a moment, eyeing Shallica up-and-down curiously, before speaking again.

 

“What’s wrong with this one; a case of Demon-Wang?” Shallica immediately turned red at the suggestion, but Janboe continued regardless.

 

“I think I’ve got an ointment for that, doesn’t cure the Wang, but soothes the engorgement.”

 

Bungo finally managed to interrupt the crazed Goblin’s repartee for a moment by waving his arms wildly.

 

“I don’t want to buy sex! I want to be taken, you know PASSSAGE on THIS SHIP!” Bungo’s booming words reverberated across the deck. The last shouts causing a clamour amongst the crew as they struggled to get a better look at the barbarian interloper.

 

“Oh, right…” Janboe was thinking again for a minute.

 

“Taken on the ship…” The Goblin ummed and ahh’d for a moment before snapping his fingers.

 

“I’ve got it!” He clapped his hands twice more and a muscular man with a moustache appeared from out of the crowd.

 

“This is Klaus, he’ll take your passage on this ship all day long! And for only 2 Pieces of Silver!”

 

There was a slight pause while Bungo’s prehistoric intellect struggled to come to terms with what was happening. Unfortunately the thinking time was mistaken for indecision by Janboe, who immediately offered him a two for one deal and a loyalty card before the barbarian could finally interject again.

 

“What if” Bungo began slowly, sounding out the words one by one in an attempt to get through the labyrinthine sex-trap of a mind he was contending with.

 

“I” the barbarian stopped to gesture to himself and his companions. Janboe was nodding eagerly.

 

“Want a cabin” He paused again, looking the Goblin directly in the eyes for signs of acknowledgement. “Without the sex.” The crew fell silent with looks of confusion. A few laughed at the preposterousness of it, and more than one snicker was heard, until Janboe hushed them meaningfully.

 

“Alone? Everyone in their own room?” The buccaneering Goblin, stopped for a moment.

 

“I get it, but y’know that it’ll cost more to drill the peep-holes right?”

 

Bungo was about to argue, but at this rate it didn’t seem like he’d get a better deal. Exacerbated and more than a little confused, he pushed Wendy’s monstrous form on board with Shallica in tow and they were quickly shown to their adjoining cabins.

 

After promising to come back with a drill, Janboe finally left. As the door creaked shut Bungo cold hear a faint voice echoing through the wall from the next cabin.

 

“I don’t have Demon Wang…” Shallica pouted quietly to herself.

Squat Exo-Armour Complete

I finished the first of the 4 squats, 3 more to go. With a model this old, it really did feel like it was fighting me sometimes; about half way through I did catch myself shouting "she can't take the pressure captain!" and spraying paint up the wall.

Seriously though these are hard to paint; they weigh a ton, and the centre of gravity is really weird. It makes them a little tough to handle.

Painting Squats!

Well hello Ho Ho there prospective readers.

I've got a fairly odd Christmas treat today. I was recently approached by the owner of a local games store and asked if I was interested in painting some squats for him. Without thinking too hard, I said yes as it sounded like a bit of a laugh.

The only question is ... Can I make these ancient models look good?

So far, I've given them a bit of a basecoat with the airbrush (and don't think the irony of using such an advanced piece of kit on such old models was lost to me either). As they're just a bit of fun, I'm trying to go for a nice bright red/orange for the armour plates to catch people's eyes. We'll see how they look with a few more colours on them later. So far I haven't worked out the rest of the scheme, but I'm thinking maybe a blue accent and black/grey?

For the moment I'm just gonna sit back and bask in the old-hammeryness of it all.

Converted Emperor's Children Chaos Marine

A little while ago I had this idea of doing some chaos marines with a difference; topless. It just seemed really outrageous and in keeping with the Slaanesh obsession with physical form as well as reckless pursuit of sensation. I just finished the first one; built from some standard bits and some spares from Warhammer Quest Silver Tower that I got on eBay (I can't remember the name of the unit - acolytes or cultists or something - they were about the right size and buff in a mutant kind of way, so perfect for the job). Anyway, I'm happy with him.

I also finished a Daemonette over the weekend too.

A closer look at the man himself. I had a lot of fun with this conversion and I think he's nice and thematic. He also puts those Blood Angels and their golden abs in place with his demonic core.

The back still looks quite armoured, which is cool.

Some pictures of my latest Daemonette.

Errmmm ... It just happened...

Codex Traitor Legions - Emperor's Children Rules?

By now, I'm sure a lot of people will have seen the hashed out shorthand version of the Traitor Legions' rules on Natfka. As an avid Emperor's Children fan I excitedly checked out their section. For those who missed it, I've copied out the relevant section at the bottom.

The first thing I had to ask is - how accurate/non rubbishy are these rules? And did they come from the book. After having a thorough read, they do look quite legit; there's no particularly telltale signs that they're not "real" like obvious overpower or random things that don't make sense. That said, they're a little hard to completely decipher given the fact they're like someone else's scribbled notes.

Impressions

The Legion trait of Feel no Pain 6+ and fearlessness for all models with Veterans of the Long war will be a really nice bonus; giving a bit more survive ability in all aspects with an ever-useful stacking save. Noise marines as troops is a bit redundant as Chaos already have that with a Chaos Lord with the mark of Slaanesh.

The inclusion of combat drugs is stated too, although I'm not sure how this will work as it's a little unclear. If it's free it'll be incredible (a little broken too). I'm assuming that you'll have to pay points for it somewhere or by having it through a formation. I couldn't work it out really (although +1 BS for my Noise Marines please)

The 6 warlord traits look decent, in particular the ability to add 1 to Feel no Pain rolls is looking desire able. If this rule set is right, the Icon of excess gives a unit a 4+ Feel no pain, so I could see a lot of people fishing to make it a 3+! (A stacking 3+ , Heresy!).

The Kakophoni Warband formation looks rather powerful if this info is correct. Shred and Split-Fire will make them deadly as anything and the additional point of strength on the guns will make those Sonic Blasters something to fear. The only downside is that you need 3 units of Noise Marines, which would mean a minimum of 18 for 3 units of 6 and a chaos lord - not sure how often I'd field that (especially given how silly having a massive wad of them with an icon of excess would be). Any way you look at it, this is one interesting rumour and I guess at this point we'll know more when the book is out.

Emperor’s Children
must: only Luciius unique; need mk Slaanesh; only mk Slaamesh; VotLW; psykers & demons can take full from Slaanesh expanded discipline
gain: fueled by sensation: VotLW gain Fearless & FnP6+ (units w/icon of excess make that FnP4+), VotLW if slain n fight sub phase before it swings gets 1 immediate attack; Matsers Kakophoni: Noise Marines are troops
WT: all legions get the re-roll their legion warlord trait
EC Warlord
 gain eternal Warrior;
+2 Init;
add 1 to FnP of WL & his unit;
Gain Fear & melee opponents locked in cc w/warlord & his unit take fear on 3D6;
+1 attack each time you lose a wound (returns if healed);
can auto-pass look out sir!

relics:
Intoxicating elixir (25) make D3 rolls on combat drugs, cumulative, ;
Shriekwave (20) gun 12” S8,AP2, assault D6, mental trauma (before attack target takes ldsh test and f failed you re-roll these to-wound);
soul snare Lash (20) soulsnare- (to wound 6 is AP2/instant death) if range( 6” S4 AP5 assault 2, sousnare) or melee S user AP5 melee, soulsnare
Endless Grin (10) you have fear, enemies w/in6” -1 leadreship;
Bolts of ecstatic vexation (15) bolt weapons gain blast, ignores cover and pinning;
Blissgiver (30) AP3 catatonic trance - target must pass ldsh test/wound or die
army: combat drugs! roll after deployment for all your non-vehicles
1- +1 WS
2- +1 BS
3- +1 Init
4- +1 S
5 - +1 T
6- +1 A
core: chaos warband, Kakophani (Lucius or Ch Lord, 3-6 noise marines—get split fire & all sonic weapons gain shred. If take 6 noise marines they also get +1 St guns)
command: lord of legion
aux: lost & damned + 8
obj: destroy enemy w/noise weapons; kill enemy in challenge; kill a unit falling back; Vp per unit fails morale, fear, pinning (max 3); your enemy picks obj marker and D3Vo when you take it; D3 VP if your enemy controls no objectives (improves)